


Tomfuckery

by SoulStealer1987, WispTheSpectre



Series: Overwatch Shenanigans [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I mean I ship pretty much everything except incest sooooo, M/M, anyway this rp is done, please don't get salty about what ships happen and what ships don't, so don't ask for updates because there won't be any more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 13:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulStealer1987/pseuds/SoulStealer1987, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WispTheSpectre/pseuds/WispTheSpectre
Summary: Or: in which a certain doctor wakes up with a certain cyborg and both try to figure out what the hell happened last night.Things had always been complicated with Genji, but this? This was a whole new level of complicated, one that Angela hadn't really dealt with before... with, well, anyone. They'd always been close. Considering how much they'd had to be together, what with Angela saving his life and all, it was somewhat unavoidable... but there was 'close,' and then there was 'sleeping together.' There was a reason Angela didn't drink, after all... because it seemed they'd both inadvertently went to the next level.This is a completed roleplay between us authors on Quotev, and we used a modified version of #1 from this: https://www.quotev.com/story/8427202/Roleplay-Scenarios-FREE-TO-USE . It gets chaotic. And there is lots of swearing, shenanigans, and hangovers.





	1. That Awkward Moment When You Wake Up In Someone Else's Bed

Things had always been complicated with Genji, but this? This was a whole new level of complicated, one that Angela hadn't really dealt with before... with, well, anyone. They'd always been close. Considering how much they'd had to be together, what with Angela saving his life and all, it was somewhat unavoidable... but there was 'close,' and then there was 'sleeping together.' There was a reason Angela didn't usually drink, after all... because it seemed they'd both inadvertently went to the next level.

Angela stayed perfectly still, making a point of not looking at Genji, and wondered if she could possibly sneak out and pretend this never happened... yeah, no. That wouldn't work. Even if he didn't have really, really good sensors in his body, he was a ninja, after all... so she had to own up to this. But... how did this happen exactly? Angela could faintly remember a few things that were most likely from the night before: Jesse calling himself 'the best damn bartender in Overwatch.' Lena getting in a drinking contest with Reinhardt. Jesse arguing with Genji on the subject of whether beer or sake was better. Winston stripping... wait, what!? She wished she didn't remember that last one.

Either way, hopefully Genji wouldn't make this any more awkward than it needed to be. Hopefully.

It'd be nice if he'd actually wake up in the near future, though. Preferably before her hangover set in.

Unfortunately, he woke up sooner then expected. He groggily raised his head and looked around. He glanced over to the clothes scattered on the floor, and the naked woman in the bed beside him. Due to him still being sleepy, he shook it off and pressed his head back on the pillow. A few seconds later, he realized what he had just saw, and jumped in panic.

"WHAT THE- BUT I- HOW DID-- WHO THE--!?"

"Please shut up." Angela muttered crossly. "My head hurts like hell. Also could you turn around? I'd like to grab my clothes and get out of here before everyone in Overwatch figures out what happened."

Inwardly, Angela was a little bit confused by his reaction. Hadn't he been something of a playboy? He had asked specifically for a 'sweet ass,' and... a robot dick. Which was odd, and a little embarrassing to explain to Jack, but... right. She tried not to think of Jack anymore. Not after... god, her head hurt. This was why she didn't drink.

The Shimada Brother followed the doctors orders, and turned around. He was still utterly baffled by this sight. He had so many questions. What happened last night? How much Sake did he have? And... was it good?

"I... I don't even know how to process this right now..."

"Me either. I don't exactly remember much, either... although I do. Uh. Remember Winston stripping? Honestly, I wish I didn't remember that... and you can turn around now."

She'd changed back into the clothes she'd been wearing the night before, which were a pale green t-shirt and jeans. Angela couldn't remember the last time she'd worn casual clothes... but then again, she literally couldn't remember most of last night.

"I'll... be in my office." She continued. "If you want to talk."

With that, she was gone.

Genji took a moment to rethink his life. For one, seeing a gorilla strip was on his bucket list, so he was sorry he didn't remember that. Second, he managed to land a literal angel. He hit the motherlode. There was only one sentence that ran through his mind, and he accidentally screamed it out loud.

"WHAT THE TAWAGATO JUST HAPPENED!?"

Lena stuck her head in. "Does that mean fuck in Japanese? Also, have you seen Angela? I was just in her office, and she wasn't there... but I guess you two didn't do it? Aww... I had money on that."

Genji panicked and started yelling.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANGELA AT ALL YET I MEAN COME ON I JUST WOKE UP IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS JUST... UH... I need to see my master..."

He got up and started heading for Zenyatta's room, completely ignoring Lena. Fortunately for Genji, Lena happened to be the most oblivious person on earth.

"Aww... oh well. I guess I'll go check her office again... oh yeah! Genji?"

He sighed, very annoyed, and turned to face her.

"What is it now?"

"Tell Zenyatta I have more of that omnic booze, if he's interested!"

She winked and dashed off in the direction of the medbay, leaving Genji wondering something along the lines of 'WHAT THE FUCK-', because Zenyatta, drunk? No way! He couldn't believe it. He rushed towards his room hastily. Luckily, their rooms weren't that far away from each other. He reached the door, and knocked furiously. Zenyatta opened the door, looking as tired as he could ever be.

"Ah... Genji, my student... What brings you to my door at this very inconvenient time?"

"Master, i wish to speak with you privately!"

"Now, Genji... You know i love giving you advice, but it's not a good time. The Iris is recovering from a gosh dang awful hangover, and it needs to recover. Please, come back later."

"But Master, I-"

Zenyatta threw a harmony orb at his face, and closed the door.

"Damn..."

Meanwhile, Angela was looking around for something to help with her own hangover when - surprise - Lena burst in, not seeming hungover at all.

"Angieeeee! Did you and Genji fuck last night?"

Wait... how did she know? She probably didn't... and she was probably guessing... which meant she didn't actually know.

"I don't even know. Not sure I'd want to," Angela said tiredly, looking through her cabinets. Normally, she would have objected to being called 'Angie,' but right now... god, her head hurt. Hopefully there wouldn't be any missions anytime soon. "You seem perky today. How'd you get over your hangover?" Lena simply grinned.

"I don't get drunk!"

"You... don't drink? But... the one thing I actually remember was you challenging Reinhardt to a drinking contest...?"

"Yep, you remembered that right! I won, actually! Some sort of timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly thing with this!" (She tapped her chronal accelerator.) "So... can't help you with a hangover, Angie! But where were you earlier?"

"Sleeping."

Lena wasn't remotely satisfied, but a cranky Angela was not a good thing to be around, so she dashed off, probably to go interrogate someone else about last night. Now that Angela really thought about it... she could remember Zenyatta yelling, yes, yelling something along the lines of 'EMBRACE TRANQUILITY MOTHERFUCKERS' while breakdancing on the table.

She was never going to eat on that thing again.

As Angela rummaged through her cabinets, she happened to come across Ganymede and Bastion's head. He booped and beeped with excitement. He appeared to be very grateful to Angela for discovering him.

Angela blinked, confused. First off, what was Bastion doing in a cabinet, exactly? Second... how did he get in there in the first place? One thing was for sure... it wouldn't exactly be easy to get him out.

"Alright... hold still. Do you remember what happened last night? ...guess not. Well... I'll see what I can do to get you out... although... how did you get in?"

Bastion beeped and booped for a long period of time, never taking a break. It sounded like he was explaining every single detail of the party. Too bad she couldn't understand him.

Genji rushed past the door, but backed up when he noticed what was going on. Deciding not to question anything at this point, he continued to run away without them noticing.

By the end, Angela had almost given up on pulling him out when- OOF!

Good thing Bastion didn't have a dick, because he was currently in what would be a very inappropriate position for anyone else.

The good news, though, was that he was out. But... seriously. How DID he get in?

Bastion got up very clumsily, clearly still drunk. He was barely able to walk. Ganymede tried to help him, but to no avail. He fell straight onto the ground. At this point, he had given up on walking, and rolled outside the door.

Angela cringed as she heard a crash outside, undoubtedly Bastion colliding with the wall. That had to hurt... and Winston would need to fix that eventually. Speaking of Winston... no, she wouldn't ask him about. Uh. The stripping. Not yet, anyway. She had better things to do, like-

"Heilige Scheiße!" She said out loud, before she could stop herself. Bastion in a cabinet was one thing. But this was something else entirely. What the actual hell was this doing here?

'This' was Soldier's and Reaper's pants and underwear laid out and neatly folded on the coffee table.

Angela really, really did NOT need to see that. It seemed like everywhere she turned, there was more... uh. Reminders of what had happened last night... and if she was going to have to deal with it anyway, it was worth at least trying to find the full story. She grabbed a few pills and downed them for the headache, then buzzed Genji on her comm.

"Angela! We have a situation!"

Genji had never sounded more concerned in his life.

Angela groaned. So much for getting rid of that headache.


	2. Mercy Risks Her Life To Steal Ana's Sleep Darts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela groaned. So much for getting rid of that headache. "Well, good news, I don't think we're the only ones that did something last night. Someone left their pants on the coffee table in here, and I just spent an hour pulling Bastion out of a cabinet. How are things on your end?"
> 
> In which another very popular ship becomes somewhat canon, and one half of it is horrified, and the other gets sleep darted in the buttcheek, but not by Ana, because Ana's currently kinda incapable of sleep darting people.

Angela groaned. So much for getting rid of that headache. "Well, good news, I don't think we're the only ones that did something last night. Someone left their pants on the coffee table in here, and I just spent an hour pulling Bastion out of a cabinet. How are things on your end?"

"You need to get to Hanzo's room right now! This is serious!"

Angela gulped. If she needed to get there...

"Do I need to bring my staff?"

"These scars can't be healed!"

"Um. I'm just going to bring it anyway."

Three minutes later, she was there, and opened the door to... mein Gott, Genji really hadn't been kidding.

Genji was standing in the corner, afraid to move. In Hanzo's bed was, well, Hanzo. But in the bed beside him was a shirtless McCree. Hanzo looked horrified. He slowly mouthed 'help me' to her.

Mercy didn't move for a moment, then she mouthed 'I'm getting Ana.' Her plan, which kinda sucked, was something along the lines of get sleep darts, sleep dart Jesse, get him back in his OWN bed, then run like hell.

Yeah, she knew it sucked.

Genji stayed to comfort Hanzo. He had truly seen the depths of hell. Angela looked everywhere, but she couldn't find Ana. That is; until she entered the shooting range. There, Ana and Widowmaker were passed out with cups of tea in their hands. There were crumpets too.

Well, this was at least better than what Angela had been expecting. She had a difficult choice, though: wake up Ana, and risk death, or just grab the sleep darts and almost certainly get murdered when Ana found out... yeah, she was waking Ana up. She gulped, and tapped Ana on the shoulder.

"Um... can I borrow your sleep darts for a moment? It's important."

Ana bolted up and started screaming, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

After a few seconds, she calmed down, but fell right back to sleep. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up Widow.

Angela really, really didn't know how to react to that. She gave up on the sleep darts and went back to Hanzo's room, where... apparently the ninja brothers hadn't been ninja enough, because while she'd been gone, Jesse had woken up. Great.

McCree was wandering around the room completely naked. Genji tried to catch him to put some clothes on him, but he kept Combat Rolling away from. He kept yelling things like "IT'S HIGH NOON" or "I'M YOUR HUCKLEBERRY". Apparently, he got way too drunk drinking Sake.

"Uh," Angela muttered, glancing over at Genji and making a point of not looking at McCree. "I guess I'm gonna die over sleep darts." She walked right out again, and went back to the shooting range.

Good news: someone was awake there.

Bad news: it wasn't Ana.

Widowmaker was practically dragging herself across the floor. Angela could just barely make out the sleep darts in her hands.

"Um." Angela whispered. "Can I borrow one of those? Please? It's important."

"Non! J'ai besoin de TOUTES les dards de sommeil! Ils sont si pointu et joli!"

Angela couldn't make out a word of what she said, but she didn't need to. She accidentally stuck one in her arm, and fell back to sleep, dropping the rest of the darts.

Angela just quickly grabbed them all (she'd put whatever she didn't use back later) and dashed back to Hanzo's room, where the situation had only gotten worse.

McCree had somehow gotten atop the ceiling light, and was swinging around singing "GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE!"

Angela just handed the darts to Genji, because. Well. Let's just say she couldn't aim to save her life.

"If Ana asks later, you don't know who you got them from."

Genji nodded, and looked up at McCree. He carefully aimed for his butt cheek, and flung it at him. It was a direct hit, and he fell to the floor.

"Erm... Hanzo." Angela stammered, not wanting to bring this up, but feeling like she had to. "Do you. Uh. Actually remember anything about last night?"

Hanzo was deadfaced.

"I don't want to."

Genji awkwardly slipped on some boxers on McCree. There was a collective sigh of relief between the three. Genji stared at him, puzzled.

"So, what do we do with this monstrosity?"

"Pretend this never happened?" Angela suggested awkwardly.

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

Genji and Hanzo picked up McCree, and carried him to his room. While they walked, they were discussing something in Japanese. Genji sounded a little embarrassed. Angela could guess what they were talking about. 

There were two things she could see it being: the whole 'Hanzo banging McCree' thing... or maybe it was McCree banging Hanzo, (the world would likely never know) or maybe Genji had told Hanzo about... the issue from earlier. Mein Gott, she hoped not. But she could see why he'd do it... in an attempt to make him feel better about what he'd done. The thing was, though, Angela really doubted that was the only thing that had happened. More then half the team was still unaccounted for... and honestly? Angela wasn't sure she wanted to know what exactly had happened that night.

She definitely wasn't expecting a scream from... either Mei's room or Zarya's. They were right next to each other, after all, so it was hard to tell which. It was hard to tell just who it was screaming, too.

"I'm... gonna go check that out." Angela managed, not waiting for an answer.

As Angela made it to their rooms, she noticed that they were blocked off by D.Va's mech. Hana appeared from behind it, drinking a soda. She noticed Angela and grew a smirk on her face.

"Hey, Mercy! How is your cybernetic boy-toy?"

So much for people not knowing... but Angela could at least not confirm anything, even if she did know.

"You... do realize he doesn't have a dick, correct?" Angela bluffed. Not true, but Hana didn't need to know that. "And... I literally remember next to nothing from last night. Although clearly a lot of crazy things happened. Do you know who left their pants in my office?"

"Soldier and Reaper did! In fact, you even folded them! I don't know where those idiots went, but they're probably outside."

She took a giant sip of her soda.

"Oh, and ya can't fool me. I heard the groans, the moans, the 'Oh, Genji!' It basically ran through the entire building!"

"I have no memory of that..." Angela muttered, "anyway, who screamed? I'm assuming it wasn't you?"

"Nah, one of the weirdos in there..."

She pointed to her mech, which was blocking the doors.

"I have to warn ya, something real sick is going on in those rooms... enter at your own risk."

"I... think I'll pass. Do you at least know who's in there? And, while I'm trying to figure out what happened... how did Bastion get into a cabinet? And why are Widowmaker and Ana passed out in the shooting range with tea? There's probably more weird stuff, I just haven't seen it yet, and I'm not sure I want to. Apparently the only things I remember are the really disturbing ones."

"Well, since I was the only SOBER person at that party, I know basically everything. Mei and Zarya are in there, but... I think the alcohol affected them the most. I think Roadhog stuffed Bastion into a cabinet. I think Bastion and Junkrat were playing hide and seek. I think the alcohol made Ana and Widow bond a little, but... I don't know much about them."

"Uh... well, if you were sober... why did Winston strip? Not sure why I remembered that, and honestly, I wish I didn't."

"I think Sombra tricked him into doing it, actually."

"...how?"

"Sombra is a master of mannipulation, and Winston was drunk. I think it's pretty obvious."

Angela sighed, staring out into space with a slight frown on her face. This party had been pretty bad (well, actually, 'pretty bad' didn't really cover it)... but Angela did know one thing for sure: she never would have drunk willingly, which meant someone had to have spiked the drinks. It was possible Sombra would help her find out, unless it was her. Either way, she needed to get into Winston's office.

"...okay. Where is Winston, though? I do need to check up on him. There haven't really been many studies on how high levels of alcohol affect gorillas, and... um. Yeah."

Angela really, really hoped Hana wouldn't say 'his office.'

"Yeah, i haven't seen him in a while. He wandered off somewhere after he made $64 from his little show. But that's the least of your concerns, Angela!" She smiled wickedly and took another sip. "I would check on Zenyatta, if I were you. He has something that you MIGHT want back." She tried taking another sip, but the can was empty. "Welp, i GTG. See'ya later, doc!" She started screaming as she walked away. "GENJI, UNSHEATH YOUR SWORD! YES! YES!"

"What." Angela managed, before she could stop herself. She wisely didn't try to get past Hana's mech, instead... going to check on Zenyatta, although she thought maybe it was a bad idea to do exactly what Hana suggested. "Erm... excuse me? Zenyatta? Hana said you... uh... had something of mine?"

Ruffling and banging could be heard from the other side of the door.

"Would you just stay still, I- Uh, just one moment, Doctor! Shut up or i'll throw you out the window, got it!?" Zenyatta opened the door, a little shaken. "Hoo... Ah, yes, Doctor Ziegler. What brings you here?"

Mercy was slightly disturbed by what she'd just heard, but decided to say nothing about that. "Erm... Hana said you had something of mine? Not entirely sure what...?"

Another voice came from inside the room. "I believe you are referring to your Witch costume!"

Zenyatta seemed annoyed.

"Orisa! Well, there goes that. Yes, um... During my drunken state... I might have convinced you to wear it and... seduce Genji with it..."

Mercy blinked. She did NOT remember that. "Uh. I did?" She wisely didn't ask who Orisa was.


	3. Apparently Witch Costumes Are Seductive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenyatta picked up the neatly folded costume with one of his many hands and gave it to Angela. "Yes, you did. And it worked, I presume?"
> 
> In which Mercy is informed about something she did last night, finds out that Symmetra somehow got superglued to Winston's chair, and realizes that someone definitely spiked the drinks. Right?

Zenyatta picked up the neatly folded costume with one of his many hands and gave it to Angela. "Yes, you did. And it worked, I presume?"

Mercy sighed. At this point, she'd kinda given up on hiding it. "I... guess? Who else knows?"

"Only me, Hana, Orisa, and Hanzo now too. Everyone else is oblivious. Don't worry, i managed to convince Lena that it wasn't the case. Though, I must admit. I thought you would be a little more... excited about it."

Mercy blushed. "Well... I can't say I haven't thought of it before. I just wish I remembered. Uh. What happened." All of a sudden, she remembered who 'Orisa' was, and froze. "Wait. You and Orisa...?"

"No! It's not like that. I don't know how it happened, but i knocked her head off and I've been trying to put it back on!"

One of his hands picked up Orisa's head and showed it to Angela.

"Greetings!"

"Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I'd say the best thing to do is to talk with Genji. He seemed rather excited when he came barging at my door, earlier. Maybe you two feel the same way about each other."

Angela thought. "Well, he was rather embarrassed about... it. The thing is, though..." She considered telling Zenyatta what she planned on announcing to the entire base, but decided against it. "Nevermind. I'll go talk to him." 'But after I get into WInston's office,' she silently added. And she did try and get there... emphasis on tried.

Why exactly were there people passed out in the hallway?

It was Junkrat and Roadhog. They had piles of food and beer stacked beside them. It looked like they had a good time. They were whispering things in their sleep like 'boom', 'hahaha', and 'dipstick'. Roadhog was whispering 'I love my hook... my hook loves me... we're gonna kill everybody...' to the tune of that one song from Barney.

Mercy wisely took a side route, and soon arrived at Winston's office. Good news, Winston wasn't there. Bad news, someone else was.

Symmetra was sitting in his chair, and had covered herself in Sentry Turrets. Mercy gulped. Clearly someone hadn't had fun at the party. "Um... Symmetra? Do you mind if I use Winston's computer to buzz everyone real quick? It's... important." Symmetra bolted up, trying to pull the turrets off her face. She managed one, and could breathe again.

"...I'm stuck to the chair."

"I... can see that. You need a hand?"

"... that would be acceptable."

It took a while, but with Angela's help, Symmetra was finally freed from the chair. Bad news, someone must have superglued her to it or something, because not all of her came off. Angela found it very hard not to stare. She'd seen some pretty messed up things, but this was new. Not a good new, either.

"If it makes you feel any better, Bastion somehow found his way into a cabinet."

"I don't think anything can make this better..."

Symmetra waddled out of the room, going to put on some new clothes.

Angela tried very hard not to stare after her, and distracted herself by picking up Winston's headset - what had once been Jack's headset - and resizing it so it actually fit her. Then, she pressed the button to buzz all agents, and - if they didn't pick up - leave it as a message for when they did.

"This is Mercy speaking. Due to the events of last night, I'd like to inform you all that the only proven cure for a hangover is lots of fluids - non-alcoholic, mind you - and lots of rest." She paused, and took a deep breath. Was she really going to do this? Yes. Yes she was. "I would also like to know who spiked the drinks. I do not know who you are yet, but if you come forward immediately, I will be much more lenient. Otherwise, when I find you on my own, and mark my words, I WILL find you, I will not be so... merciful. Have a nice day!"

Angela knew perfectly well that she would never drink willingly, and she also knew she wasn't the only one. There were a few obvious suspects: Hana and Lena were suspicious for sure, and she really wouldn't put it past Ana to do something like this. It most likely wasn't Soldier, but... she wasn't able to cross anybody off for sure right away.  
"One more thing. If you are awake," she continued, "send me your version of what happened last night. If I do not get an alibi, I will assume you are either guilty or passed out. And I will find out if you weren't passed out." With that, she slipped the headset off, and put her own comm back in, where... surprise surprise, Genji was already trying to contact her. Good. At least it (most likely) wasn't him.

"Angela! I found Winston, but... i don't know if you want to see him like this..."

"Probably not." Angela agreed. "I'm in his office right now. Do I need to bring some. Uh. Clothes?"

"Yes. Some that aren't slathered in peanut butter."

Angela had to take a moment to fully process what he'd said. "Okay, I might be a while. I'm hiding all the peanut butter still in here."

"Good idea. Meet me outside near the shooting range. I'll be there- Winston! Stop flinging your poo!"

Angela wished she hadn't heard that last part. She WAS actually going to hide the peanut butter, but after hearing what Winston was currently doing, she gave up on that and just dropped it all out the window. Some lucky hobo was going to have a field day... and then, she grabbed a clean pair of gorilla clothes and headed for the shooting range.

Before she even made it, she could hear angry Japanese yelling and loud gorilla sounds.

"Watashi wa kami ni chikau, anata ga imakoko ni konakereba, watashi wa anata o uchū ni modosudarou!"

"No! I like my peanut butter!"

Angela suddenly regretted not learning Japanese when she had the chance. She didn't regret keeping the rest of Ana's sleep darts, though. Once again, they were proving very useful... maybe she could replicate them someday. Maybe. Assuming Ana didn't murder her first.

She turned the corner to see something quite disturbing, and that was compared to all the other disturbing things she'd seen already.

Winston was holding Genji in his mouth. Genji did not look amused.

"This... is humiliating..."

"Hmm... this is hard peanut butter..."

Angela tried not to laugh. She failed. Although she was tempted to get a picture, chances were either Sombra, Hana, or both would somehow have that taken care of. Somehow. Instead, she aimed the sleep dart herself... and, fortunately, hit Winston and not Genji.

Winston fell to the floor, fast asleep. Genji struggled to get out of his mouth.

"Alright, nearly getting eaten by a monkey was not on my list today, but I'll accept it."

"I've got you." Angela struggled to pull Genji out of Winston's mouth, which... wasn't easy. It was significantly easier than, say, pulling Bastion out of a cabinet, or pulling Symmetra out of a chair. Eventually, he was out... thankfully, and Angela got a chance to really look at Winston. When she had, she wished she hadn't. "Um. Here are the clothes? I'm not dealing with that part though. Still trying to figure out who spiked the drinks."

"Someone spiked the drinks!? My vote's on Sombra or McCree."

Genji awkwardly put some pants on Winston. That was the second time this happened today. Hopefully, it would be the last.

"Well... I need to know what you remember. I was thinking Hana, or Lena... and I wouldn't be all that surprised if it was Ana. Pretty sure she's done it before."

Genji paused, thinking.

"Hmm... Let's see... I don't remember all that much, but I do think that Zenyatta was... hitting on Zarya? And... and I think I saw Lena taking Widowmaker up to her room. God knows what they were doing. Oh yeah, I seem to recall something about a witch, but... I'm not too sure."

"Well, um... I. Don't actually remember this? But Zenyatta said he convinced me to... uh. Nevermind."

Genji was a little confused, but he decided not to question it.

"So... uh... what do we do now?"

Angela's eyes narrowed, and Genji was unlucky enough to see her truly angry... but lucky enough not to be on the receiving end of it.

"We figure out who spiked the drinks. And... I need to put this back. Hold on." Angela had just realized that she was still holding her witch costume, and wisely ran off before Genji could see what it was.

"Now, who would do this..."

Genji started to think of people who would. He vaguely remembered Jesse serving drinks, so he was a suspect. D.Va was underaged, but she would definitely just do it for kicks. Lena could have, seeing as they don't effect her. Ana? Possibly. Maybe Junkrat. Not Roadhog. Mei? Mei-be. Sombra was a strong suspect. Not Lúcio. Everyone else he marked off the list. He would start by trying to find Sombra.

'So... I'll see if I can get everyone else's versions of events.' Angela thought to herself as she walked through the halls on her way to put back her witch costume. 'I definitely remember Jesse saying something about being the 'best damn bartender in Overwatch'... so I'll go find him fi- wait. Nevermind.' Yeah, she'd go find Jesse last. This morning had already been very scarring, and Jesse McCree had caused a lot of that.

As Angela walked through the hallway, a yellow hand pulled her aside into the kitchen. It was Zenyatta, Hana, Orisa, and Hanzo.

"Sorry for the interruption, Dr Ziegler, but... did you talk with him yet?"

Angela sighed, clearly annoyed. "I'm kind of busy, and also trying to figure out who spiked the drinks." She looked over all four (fortunately, Orisa had her head back on, so that was good) and, for whatever reason, her gaze lingered longer on Hana than the others. "Like for example... Hana. You're old enough to drink in Gibraltar. How exactly did you manage to be the one sober person on base?"

"Frickin bartender wouldn't give me any! If he did, i woulda downed 'em like crazy!"

Hana looked very annoyed. Right, the drinking age in the US was still 21. Angela hadn't thought of that.

"That's fair. I would, er, question McCree himself, but I'm really not dealing with a still-drunk cowboy right now. But I need to know if any of you saw anything... erm... suspicious."


	4. WHO SPIKED THE F***ING DRINKS!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo was the first to answer. "I did see those Junkers hanging around the bartender a lot. They didn't even order drinks from him. I would count them as suspicious."
> 
> In which Mercy chases down various suspects, tries (and fails) to speak Spanish, and finally... discovers the truth. Which nobody saw coming. And by that I mean everybody saw it coming.

Hanzo was the first to answer. "I did see those Junkers hanging around the bartender a lot. They didn't even order drinks from him. I would count them as suspicious."

After he finished talking, Orisa chimed in. "I did see Bastion hanging around Sombra a lot. She is a strong candidate, yes? Maybe he knows where she is!"

Angela nodded. "Thanks. I'll let you know if I figure out what happened." She dashed out, trying not to think about what Zenyatta had said, or Genji. She was a woman on a mission, and she was damn well going to complete it. As she walked, she buzzed Genji. "Just talked with Hana, she claimed McCree wouldn't serve her drinks. Legal drinking age in the US is 21, so I can see why. Apparently the Junkers were hanging around McCree a lot, and didn't order drinks. And Bastion was with Sombra for a while. Anything on your end?"

"Well, I found the bird. But they lost Bastion. I also found a trail of gunpowder, so I'm guessing those Junkers were here earlier."

"Bastion... was in my office earlier, but that was a while ago. Last I saw the Junkers, they were passed out in the middle of the hallway... I'm going to take a wild guess they aren't anymore?"

"Nope. Gone. I'm gonna try to find Bastion. I can't stand those Junkers."

Angela sighed. "Alright. I'll look for the Junkers." She didn't have to look long. This time, however, they were awake, and she was beginning to regret agreeing to deal with them.

They hadn't noticed her yet, and thank god for it. They were arguing about something, as usual.

"What'ya mean ya don't know where it is!? You're suppose to be my lookout man!"

"Ugh, do you ever shut up?"

"No! You lost my bloody RIP-Tire! I'm not gonna stop talkin' until ya find it!"

"...nrgh. Fine. But i'm telling you, the hacker took it."

"And why in the bloody blazes would she do that!?"

"Don't ask me. She's the one that wanted our help."

"You know what, I don't care anymore! Just go find it!"

Angela wisely left before they noticed her, and once she was out of earshot, buzzed Genji again. "So apparently Junkrat lost his tire thing. And Roadhog claims Sombra took it. And I'm not dealing with them before I have my gun, so I'm going to grab it real quick."

"Uh, good news. I found Bastion, but... he is currently experiencing his first hangover, so he doesn't want to talk."

"That's... understandable, but I'm dealing with mine, too. Anyway. I'm going to try and find Sombra. Knowing her, she's probably listening to us right now, so... uh. Yeah."  
She hadn't expected to turn the corner and come face-to-face with exactly the person she was looking for. Bad news, Sombra didn't look too good, and that was compared to all the other hungover people she'd already dealt with.

"Oh! ¡Hola mi amigo! Me encanta encontrarte aquí, ¿no? ¿Puedes hacerme un favor y hablar en voz baja, por favor? Esta resaca es lo peor!" Her speech was slurred.

"Yo... no comprendar." Angela managed, using what little Spanish she could remember from school. "Lo siento. Hablar ingles?" She was pretty sure she'd said something along the lines of 'I don't understand, I'm sorry, please speak English?' but her Spanish was extremely rusty, and she'd probably wound up saying something completely different.

Oops.

"Yoooooohohohoho...~ You speak perfect Spanish! Yeah, I agree, my hair is awesome, right? Your hair isn't bad either!"

Yeah, she'd royally screwed up what she was trying to say. At least Sombra was talking in English now, though. That would make things much simpler.

"Erm... thank you. Although if you want to get rid of that hangover, I'd recommend drinking lots of water. Or, really, any non-alcoholic drink."

"Yeah-hah-hah! I drank too much last night. I hate to admit it, but McCree can actually make a mean drink!"

"Erm. Yeah. It seems like everyone drank too much. Including me... and I don't drink willingly. Did you see anything suspicious last night? I'm trying to figure out who spiked mine and possibly other people's too."

Was she being too forward? Probably. Did she care at this point? Not really.

"I don't remember much, really. I remember talking with you about something, though. It think the Junkers can help you more. Roadhog to be certain. But, what do i know, I'm drunk!"

"Um. Clearly. Please don't kill yourself while you are. I'm only a miracle worker sometimes, after all."

With that, Angela turned around, heading back towards where the Junkers last were, and seriously beginning to get pissed off.

When she returned, it was only Junkrat. He was furiously banging his head against the wall whilst murmuring to himself. "Stupid. Mako. Stupid. Tire. Stupid. Sombra. Stupid. Jamison."

"Um..." Angela managed, very glad she still had the sleep darts... just in case. "Are you alright?"

She caught him off guard, and he immediately took out his Frag Launcher.

"Oh. It's only you." He put away his weapon, and smacked himself in the head. "Sorry, I'm a wee bit on edge."

"I... can see that. Trust me, you're not the only one."

Out of nowhere, Junkrat grew a smile on his face. It was hard to tell what kind of smile with him.

"Oi! I remember what you did last night! Yeah~ You looked sexy in that costume, mate!"

Angela blushed. "It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't remember that part."

"Gotta be honest mate. It ain't like you to have somethin as exotic as THAT! What's the dealio?"

"Well," Angela shrugged, "it was for Halloween a few years back. Believe me, Overwatch goes all out for that."

"Anyways, mate. What'ya want? If it's about my health, you should know the answer by now. It sucks!"

"Trying to figure out who spiked the drinks. Do you remember anything about last night other than the costume?"

"Ah, the drinks? I'm pretty sure Roadie had somethin to do with it. Went through my bloody RIP-Tire to help that hacker girl. That's how he frickin lost the damn thing!"

"Hmm... so Sombra had something to do with the drinks, too? She still seemed drunk last I talked to her."

"Can't help ya with the specifics, mate. If that's what ya want, go track down Roadie. He's probably lookin for Sombra's room roight now."

Angela nodded. "Thanks. And by the way, if you're still hungover, drink a lot of water. Or anything nonalcoholic."

"Water? YUCK! Water sucks. Besides, hangovers barely even effect me anymore. My head gets knocked around so much, it don't even bother me."

"Lucky," Angela said, managing a wry smile. With that, she left to go find Roadhog. Naturally, when she was actually looking for him, he was nowhere to be found.

As she was searching, Genji called her with his comm. "Angela. Did you find Sombra yet?"

She'd completely forgotten. "Yes, and she was still very drunk. She sent me over to the Junkers, Junkrat sent me after Roadhog, and I can't find Roadhog."

"Roadhog? I was just talking with him. He said that he was going to check the armory for Junkrat's Tire. He seemed a little... reluctant to talk with me. More than usual."

"Armory? Got it. Hopefully Ana's sleep darts will work on him. Anything else I should know?"

"Nope, that's all I can think of."

"Alright, thanks." She logged off, and headed straight to the armory, where Roadhog actually was.

Angela wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

Roadhog was murmuring to himself. "Jamison wants his tire, I'll give him his tire. I'll blow all the air out of it first."

"Um... hello." Angela said quietly, and perhaps a little nervously.

Roadhog turned around to face her. "Hello, doctor. Got a good sleep?"

"Um... yes. So I'm trying to figure out who spiked the drinks, and... erm. What do you remember from last night?"

Angela was not remotely comfortable with this. She suddenly regretted not forcing someone who could actually shoot to go with her.

"You... you don't remember? Oh, doctor. This'll be fun to explain."

Underneath his mask, Roadhog was smiling.

Angela inwardly disagreed. "Better get on with it, then. I really don't have all day."

"YOU spiked the drinks, my friend!"


	5. Ana Wonders Why Everyone's So Damn Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That... can't be right," said Angela. "I don't drink. Why would I do that?"
> 
> In which the truth is FINALLY REVEALED...! Oh yeah, and another ship somehow wound up on a flagpole. Pantsless. Ana also gets fed up with Reaper and Soldier's edginess and- oh, whoops? You were trying not to let them know who you were? Good for you, because apparently everyone in Overwatch is freaking oblivious.

"That... can't be right," said Angela. "I don't drink. Why would I do that?"

"Well to be fair, you did have a FEW drinks in you. Maybe not your best judgment, but believe me, it was YOUR idea. All for the love of the cyborg. Do you want me to go on? Because I really want to. This is fun. It would help you know what happened last night."

Roadhog was having LOADS of fun explaining this to her.

Angela was not having any fun hearing Roadhog's explanation so far, but, against her better judgement, she WAS curious. "...I'm going to regret this, but go ahead."

What was that one saying in English? 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Whoever said that wasn't wrong.

"It was a four man job. You, me, the hacker, and the robot monk dude. Ever wonder how Junkrat's RIP-tire explodes? There's some Australian alcohol in there that's QUITE flammable. I took some out and put it in the drinks. Sombra helped you with getting all pretty for him. Monk dude made sure that Genji had some of the beer, and got him ready for ya. His main contribution was the witch costume. But nearing the end, you were starting to chicken out, so we got some of the drinks in you, too. From there, you did the rest. We had some of it to. Too much, actually. Man, you have a low alcohol tolerance. And to think that this was all for love. And to get some, of course. You got some, right?"

Roadhog was almost giddy.

Angela was shocked, and that was putting it lightly. Although... that would explain a lot of things. Just... mein Gott, this was embarrassing.

"Why do you care about my love life? You're just a Junker."

"You promised me something if I did it. You said that you would take care of Junkrat if I helped you. Only for the day. Junkrat is insufferable. I'm SURE you can agree with that."

Angela couldn't tell if he was lying, and honestly? Roadhog was pretty intimidating. Besides, she still had some of Ana's sleep darts.

Yeah, she was screwed the moment Ana found out they were gone.

"...fine. Where is he?"

"He could be anywhere. But right now, don't bother with him. You should track down your new boyfriend. Tell him how you feel and stuff. I'll get the others and track everyone down, how about that?"

Roadhog was making a very generous offer. He never did that. Did he actually care for once? Whether he did or didn't, Angela got the feeling that the offer wouldn't last long.

"Uh. Alright. I'll... go do that."

She walked off, and buzzed Genji. But... he didn't pick up. That couldn't be good. He always picked up.

Genji couldn't pick up. He was laughing to hard to notice. He found Soldier and Reaper. Thank god that HE was the one that found them. They were taped to a flagpole. They were also pantsless, and both were extremely annoyed.

"Would'ya stop screwin around and get us down!?"

"I'M SORRY!!! THIS- THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHA!!!"

"Reaper, can't you just Wraith Form out of here."

"Head hurts too much... Can't focus."

"Well, i'm cold, humiliated, and disappointed in all three of us."

Someone else started laughing from behind, and Genji turned to see... Ana, who was laughing even harder than him. "Well, I mean... I could get you two down, but then I'd have to tell everyone who you are- god, head hurts like hell. Remind me not to drink so much next time." She paused, and felt for something that wasn't there. "By the way, has anyone seen my sleep darts?"

Genji panicked. "What? No! Of course not! Why would I know where they are!? That's just crazy! You're crazy, Ana!"

Reaper weighed in with a sarcastic reply. "I have a strong suspicion on who it was. But who knows? Could be anyone."

Ana raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Genji, are you going to get them down, or should I? Or should we just leave them there for a few more hours? Days?" It would serve them right for making everyone think they were dead. Yes, Ana had done the same, but at least she wasn't pretending to be someone she wasn't, like SOME PEOPLE.

"Nah. As much as I want to, Angela will get mad at me if I do."

Genji used his Swift Strike to reach them, and cut them down with his knife. They fell back to the ground and groaned.

"Maybe a little more gentle next time?"

"Hey, just be grateful that I brought some extra boxers with me. I knew these would come in handy."

The boxers happened to have 'Jack Morrison' and 'Gabriel Reyes' written on them.

They fit Soldier and Reaper perfectly.

If Genji didn't figure it out from this, Ana was seriously considering just outright telling everyone... but what was the fun in that?

"So, now that that's taken care of... do you mind telling me what you remember from last night?"

Soldier answered first. "I remember jack shit."

"So, THAT'S your real last name."

"Why, I oughta-!"

Soldier was shaking his fist furiously at Reaper. Ironic, considering the events of last night.

Ana was having a very hard time not laughing. "Close enough."

Reaper, deciding to take this seriously, answered, "I remember... Pharah and Reinhardt playing 'Pin the tail on the Torb'... don't ask me what that was about."

Ana burst out laughing again. "I hope there's video of that, because that sounds amazing." She paused again, and fixed Genji with her gaze. "For some reason I remember having tea with Widowmaker, and I must have been dead drunk because I would never do that sober. Or maybe I would. I don't know. At least I'm not EDGY and HIDING MY TRUE IDENTITY FROM MY FRIENDS LIKE SOME PEOPLE."

If that wasn't obvious enough, Ana didn't know what was.


	6. Oh Hey Gency Might Actually Happen Sometime This Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji was confused, but at this point it was becoming a trend, so he ignored it. He realized that Angela had been trying to contact him while he was laughing, and finally picked up. "Yo. Angela? Are you there?"
> 
> In which the moment (almost) everyone's been waiting for finally happens, and Genji and Angela actually talk about their feelings. About time. It only took six chapters. Oh, and Ana is on the warpath. Maybe.

Genji was confused, but at this point it was becoming a trend, so he ignored it. He realized that Angela had been trying to contact him while he was laughing, and finally picked up. "Yo. Angela? Are you there?"

"GENJI ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU NEED HEALING-" Angela yelled into the comm before calming down slightly. "Sorry. Got a little carried away. Meet me in my office. We need to talk." In retrospect, she probably sounded like she was about to murder him... oh well.

"Well, I've gotta go apparently."

As predicted, Reaper had a sarcastic reply. "Oh, too bad. We're definitely going to miss you."

"Oh, shut up!"

With that, Genji headed for Angela's office. Once he got there, he knocked on the door. "Hello. Green Cyborg Ninja Dude here. You called?"

Angela took a deep breath. Was she going to do this? Yes, she was. "So... good news, I figured out who spiked the drinks. Bad news, I got a lot more than just that."

"Ooo! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"Apparently... it was me." Angela frowned. "Really didn't see that coming."

"Wait. You? Why would you do that!?"

"I... might have an idea. Hear me out before you say anything. Please."

"Believe me, at this point, I'm ready for anything!"

Angela sighed, very much regretting her life decisions, or at least the ones she made last night. 

"Apparently it was a four-man job. Me, Roadhog, Sombra, and Zenyatta. But it was mostly me... and apparently I tried to seduce you with one of my old Halloween costumes. The witch one. You probably remember it, even if you don't remember it from last night." She paused, and stared out into space. "The whole thing was... literally to make me and you a thing, and I'm sorry. Roadhog said that I was getting close to chickening out at the last minute, and that's when I got my drink spiked. I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd been honest about my feelings... I'm sorry."

Apparently, he was not ready for anything. He was shocked at the Doctor's words. One minute he was talking to two pantsless guys, and now he's talking about an elaborate plan just for him to get laid. But Angela. Of all people who could have done it, it was Angela.

"Angela... did you really do all of that... just for me?"

Angela blushed. "I don't remember it, but unless Roadhog's lying... yes. It does make sense. Somehow."

How the hell did he deal with this. He was the worst when it came to romance. He would just have to speak his mind.

"Angela... you didn't have to do it because, well... you had nothing to try and gain. I already love you."

Fucking nailed it.

Angela literally had nothing to say to that. She couldn't say anything to it. And she didn't need to. Instead, she acted... and kissed him. On the visor.

She suddenly regretted signing off to let him wear that.

"Hm. About time you two got together."

Angela turned to see Ana. She'd never been so scared in her life, especially not when Ana held out her hand.

"Sleep darts, please," Ana said calmly. "And if one of them's missing... good thing we have three other healers."

"Welp, I guess this is when you die." Genji stepped to the side.

Angela resigned herself to her fate and handed over the sleep darts she still had. Ana counted them, then looked up.

"Three are missing. Where are they?"

Angela swallowed nervously. Her life flashed before her eyes.

"Widowmaker used one on herself, the other two were on Winston and Jesse."

"...why?"

"Don't ask me why Widow used one, I don't speak French! Winston was literally trying to eat Genji, and Jesse... uh. Was still drunk and swinging around on a ceiling lamp."

Ana chuckled to herself and gave Angela a sly smile.

"Who's? Hanzo's?" Angela froze. "Oh, and by the way... you thought I was serious? I've got like a billion of these. It's cool. But ask next time."

Angela didn't point out the fact that she'd tried to ask, and... uh. It didn't work out.

With Ana gone, it was time to strike. Genji took off his visor, and kissed Angela passionately.

"Hey, everyone. Ana here. Or Captain Amari. Either works." It took a moment for Angela to realize that Ana had done the same thing she had earlier: sneaked into Winston's office and 'borrowed' his headset. "Just putting this out there, but you all are fucking idiots, because NOBODY figured out that Soldier: 76 and Reaper were Jack and Gabriel." She laughed. "Anyway, Ana out."

Soldier's "DAMN YOU ANA!" could be heard through the entire base.

Genji slowly turned to Angela, not believing what he just heard. "Please tell me that's just the drinks talking..."

Suddenly, Reaper's voice went off. "SHE'S LYING!!! DON'T BELIEVE HER! IT'S... Uh... oh, forget it."

Angela shrugged. "Somehow, after all the other crazy shit we've had to deal with today, this isn't really all that bad. Although I do want to punch them both for lying like that." She managed a chuckle. "And... I guess Ana wasn't wrong about us being idiots. I had my suspicions, but I didn't know anything for sure."

"Yeah, but... we're two idiots in love."

Angela laughed.

"True that."

"Oh yeah... and has anyone seen Lucio yet?"

Meanwhile, in Mei's room. There were pentagrams all along the walls, icicles dripping from the ceiling, and Mei and Zarya standing over a terrified Lucio strapped to the floor.

"You have robotic parts. Therefore, you are part omnic. Therefore, i hate you."

"Don't worry, you'll be able to listen to music all the time where you're going!"

Mei pointed her weapon directly at his head, and he started screaming.

"HHHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soul: So this was really fun and great and expect more funny Overwatch roleplays from us in the future. My roleplay partner unfortunately still doesn't have an A03 account, but I think they had fun too. Maybe. Ask them when they get their account! :D But seriously, this was great. Even if we had a slight... plot twist at the end. (I was wondering what was going on in there!)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a completed roleplay between the authors on Quotev, and we used a modified version of #1 from this: https://www.quotev.com/story/8427202/Roleplay-Scenarios-FREE-TO-USE . It gets chaotic. And there is lots of swearing, shenanigans, and hangovers.


End file.
